3 Ways to Communicate You Care Without Being There in Person
Pastors and care teams cannot attend every event. Three ways to show care from a distance: reach out, send a message, or send something special.
By Thomas Griffin, Owner and CEO
Published · Updated
You can show care without being there in person in three ways. Reach out with a call, a video call, or a livestream. Send a message: a letter, email, text, or short video. Or send something special, like a card or a care package. Then touch base later, so the person knows they were not forgotten.
Pastors and care teams carry many duties at once. They would like to attend every event and gathering, but the demands of the role make that impossible. People do not have to fall through the cracks. Care teams have other ways to stay close to their people. Here are a few ways to show your people you are thinking of them, even when you are not with them.
1. Reach Out
Our wish to support someone in person sometimes clashes with our schedules or our ability to get there. Often you do not hear about the moment until the last minute. Modern tools make it easy to bridge the gap. A call will never fully replace being there, but it can mean a lot that you reached out at an important moment in a busy week. And it likely means more than you expect. In 13 experiments with nearly 6,000 people, researchers found that people underestimate how much others appreciate being contacted, most of all when the contact is a surprise.
You have a few good options:
Make the call. Your people will be glad to hear from you in a critical moment. It tells them their support network is there for them, even from a distance. Offer encouragement, share their joy, or simply say you are with them. A familiar voice brings comfort.
Make it a video call. Some of us do not use video calls often, but they are worth it in the right moment. Your people can see your face as you share in their milestones, and that helps them feel your presence.
Attend virtually. For an event or celebration, ask if it will be streamed. Many families now stream weddings, graduations, and funerals for people who cannot travel. Ask for the link. Afterward, tell them you watched and share one thing you loved.
2. Send a Message
A message tells your people you are thinking of them. Better still, a written message keeps your words in a form they can read again when they need support. There are many good options:
Send a letter. A personal letter feels rare today, and it can make someone feel special. A handwritten letter, or a typed note with your signature, tells someone you thought of them when they did not expect it. Do not worry about perfect words. In studies at the University of Chicago, people who wrote thank-you letters underestimated how positive the recipients would feel and overestimated how awkward they would feel. The warmth of the gesture mattered more than the wording.
Send an email. Everyone uses email, but do not write it off as cold. A personal email that says you are there for them can cut through the daily noise and bring comfort.
Send a text. Do not underestimate a text. It might seem low effort, but think about what it says: you are giving them a direct line to you. They learn that you are thinking of them now, and that you are easy to reach.
Send a video message. A short video for one person is a simple and strong way to show you care. It takes a little more effort than a text, but it feels much more personal. As with a video call, they can see the care on your face. Your phone's camera is all you need.
3. Send Something Special
Some moments call for something extra to show how much you and the team care. Here are a few ways:
Send flowers or balloons. Many people feel celebrated when fresh flowers or balloons arrive. Pair them with a personal message and a real follow-up, so the gift does not feel cold.
Send a card. Cards can say big ideas and deep feelings in a graceful way. They are also small keepsakes that people can read again when they need encouragement. Do not let the printed words do all the talking. Add a personal note in your own hand. Have you kept handwritten cards you received over the years? Oh, just us?
Send a care package. A care package can hold notes of encouragement, Scripture, and resources for a hard season. It might also hold comfort items like food, a grief blanket, or a book they may find helpful. This gesture takes more effort, and it shows people the depth of your care.
Get the Timing Right, and Touch Base Later
When you send a message, make a call, send a gift, or schedule a follow-up, think about timing.
- Before the day. Some touches belong in the days before an event, such as a surgery or a hard court date, when the day itself will be busy or uncertain.
- On the day. Birthdays and graduations are best on the day, so people feel you celebrate with them even from far away.
- After the day. Other events need follow-up days, months, or even years later. This tells people that the event has passed, but it is not forgotten. For a plan for each kind of follow-up, see our pastoral care follow-up ideas.
If you missed the event, touch base later. It might seem late, but it gives people a way to enjoy a happy day again, or to get more support after a hard one. Two simple ways:
Invite them for a visit. When you must say no to an event, ask them to stop by later and tell you all about it. This tells them "not right now" does not mean "never."
Schedule a coffee. Coffee is an easy way to hear what you missed. It feels like time with an old friend, and it shows that you care about their story.
Some moments need more than one touch. Use your best judgment, and write down when the next one is due. Busy schedules will always keep you from some events. With a call, a note, and a well-timed follow-up, your people can still feel valued and remembered, most of all in the hard seasons when they need it most. If you care for members who cannot leave home, our homebound ministry guide has more ideas.
